Week Eleven’s Activities & Thoughts

This week we are asked to:

Inquiry: Read the article ‘Woman stuck under train at Eagle Junction Train Station, Brisbane’, published on 10 September 2014: http://www.couriermail.com.au/news/queensland/womanstuck-under-train-at-eagle-junction-train-stationbrisbane/newsstory/3fdffc6978a2cb47b0461d1dbb1177ad

a. What are the problems with the article?

b. Does it meet the guidelines for reporting self-harm?: http://www.mindframe-media.info/formedia/reporting-suicide

c. Post your reflections on your blog.

Answers:

a) The problems I found with the article are:

1. The headline for this article is quite long using ten words to capture the reader’s attention. According to Whitaker, Ramsey and Smith (2012 p.284) six words would normally be the limit for a headline to an online news story.
2. The first three sentences re-use the same words “under the train”  which makes the copy sound repetitive. Whitaker, Ramsey and Smith (2012 p.88) advise us to “eliminate unnecessary words or phrases,” and to “avoid redundancies”. I think the first three sentences could be revised to only two sentences.
3. The way the information is relayed to the reader in the first three sentences could be  confusing. Because the writer states ‘a woman’ three times (once in each sentence) it could be misunderstood as three different women rather than a single woman. It might be better to use “the woman” in the second and third sentences rather than “a woman” to reduce the possibility of confusion.
4. In the sixth paragraph, the writer uses “QAS” as an abbreviation for Queensland Ambulance Service without showing readers in an earlier paragraph what this means. The writer could have placed the initials in brackets after the full term was used in the fourth paragraph. In this way, readers know what is meant by “QAS” when they see it again.
5. The sentence: “A witness reports a train full of people was sitting on the platform as the incident unfolds,”  seems to be a mix of tenses and ideas. It might have been better to write: “A witness reports a train load of people were sitting on the platform when the incident occurred.”
6. In the seventh paragraph, the word “flow” doesn’t seem right for the context it is being used in. Perhaps “the incident has created some delays for rail customers travelling through the region” could have been a better way to describe the effects.

b)The article does generally follow the recommendations for reporting self-harm on the government supported Mindframe website (2014), but there are some possible problems worthy of note.

The recommendations for reporting self-harm (Mindframe 2014) state it is best not to describe exact details used to perform acts of self-harm to reduce ‘copycat’ behaviour. This story does not detail how the woman became stuck under the train and, therefore,  complies with the guidelines.

However, the story clearly indicates the location of the incident as the “Eagle Junction Train Station, Brisbane” and the time of the incident. It could be argued providing the location and time of the incident provides vulnerable members of the public a location option for ‘copycat’ behaviour.

Using a photograph of the emergency response vehicles at the scene of the incident (shown above) draws attention to the article. In addition, the headline is quite attention grabbing. The guidelines for reporting self-harm (Mindframe 2014) suggest it is better to reduce the prominence of stories involving incidents of self-harm.

On a more positive note, the article does include ‘help-seeking information’ at the end of the story in accordance with the guidelines for reporting self-harm.

The Mindframe website(2014) advises us that: “People who are vulnerable can be adversely affected by stories about suicide.

“Adding help-seeking information provides options for immediate crisis support.”

The writer is also careful not to mention the woman involved in the incident by name. Realising people involved in activities of self-harm can be prone to suicidal behaviour, as the guidelines (Mindframe 2014) point out, it is wise not to name the person involved.

The story indicates the police involved “are treating the incident as one of self-harm”. This is reported in the very last line of the story. This is in accordance with the guidelines. Nowhere in the story does it make sensationalist attention-grabbing claims like: “woman jumps in front of a train” or “woman attempting suicide leaps into the path of a train”.

Rewriting the News

Practical: Rewrite the above article so that it is not repetitive and makes more sense. Don’t make anything up, and it can be shorter than the original. Apply the skills you have learned to date in this course. Post the revised story to your blog.

Woman stuck under train north of Brisbane.

A woman has been seriously injured after becoming stuck under a train at the Eagle Junction Station north of Brisbane.

The woman, believed to be in her 30s, became trapped shortly after midday on Wednesday.

Emergency workers, including four fire crews, successfully freed the woman at 12.55pm.

A spokesperson for the Queensland Ambulance Service (QAS) said the woman sustained lower leg injuries and was conscious throughout the rescue effort.

The QAS said the woman has been admitted to the Royal Brisbane Hospital in a serious condition.

The incident has caused delays of up to 40 minutes to the Airport and Doomben railway services.

Police say they will be treating the incident as one of self-harm.

For help with emotional issues or difficulties please contact Lifeline for support on 131114.

For help with depression, contact Beyond Blue on 1300 22 46 36 or the SANE Helpline on 1800 18 SANE(7263)

Thoughts on Week Eleven

I am happy to report I achieved a ten out of ten on my first attempt at this week’s quiz. I think reading the text, then re-reading the text and then doing the quiz helped me achieve this grade. By studying chapter eight of Hicks’ (2013) “English for Journalists” carefully and re-reading the text, it gave me a better opportunity to remember the information.

I have quite enjoyed doing the quizzes each week because they offer you a chance to prove  you have actually absorbed the information you have just read. I think I have retained more information from the text book by doing the quizzes. So, I have to admit being grateful for the task set to us each week over the past eleven weeks. Thanks Kate.

References

Australian Government Department of Health 2014, Mindframe: reporting and portrayal of suicide, viewed on 25 September 2016, http://www.mindframe-media.info/for-media/reporting-suicide#selfharm

Hicks, W 2013, English for journalists, 20th Anniversary edn, Routledge, Oxon, UK.

O’Brien, C 2014, ‘Woman stuck under train at Eagle Junction train station, Brisbane’, Courier Mail, 10 September, viewed 25 September 2014, http://www.couriermail.com.au/news/queensland/woman-stuck-under-train-at-eagle-junction-train-station-brisbane/news-story/3fdffc6978a2cb47b0461d1dbb1177ad

Whitaker, W.R, Ramsey, J.E & Smith, R.D 2012, Media writing print, broadcast, and public relations, 4th edn, Routledge, New York.

Photo Credit

Feature image of emergency response vehicles at Eagle Junction Railway Station is by Jasmine Lill for The Courier Mail.